Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
