Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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