; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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