uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
