My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
