So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
