And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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