I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
