if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She even gives head with a lisp.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
