it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
