i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
