she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
