hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My pussy is not your playground.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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