thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
