I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
