Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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