i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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