**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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