just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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