Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
