Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
