im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
