I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
