I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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