PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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