his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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