I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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