is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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