Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
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His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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