I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
