Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
