it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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