I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
