Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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