If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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