I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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