I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize