it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
