the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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