i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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