When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
