im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You pole danced in your parka.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
