why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
