We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
