If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
