I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
