i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
