what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
