Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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