is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Randomize
