all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
