I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
