dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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