I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
