I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
