Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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