she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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