but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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