Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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