Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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