I could have mohawked her pubes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
