3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
