you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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