just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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