dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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