Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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