don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
