Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
