There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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