Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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