dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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