he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There was a lot of him and a little penis
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
