he wants to bone in the snuggie
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
