ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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