god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
