it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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